Given the argument that you want to make, I do not see
anything wrong with this thesis statement. I really like the way that you structure it
-- how you have the bit at the start about what proponents think and then you transition
into what you think is true.
If you wanted to add one more
sentence, you could put something in about the waste of money that you mention in the
question. I would say something like
This means that
welfare programs spend large amounts of taxpayer money while producing results that are
the opposite of what is intended.
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