Why did Henry look forward to war, and then after battle, dread it?The Red Badge of Courage by Stephen Crane

In his experimenting with psychological realism in The Red
Badge of Courage, Stephen Crane has his character Henry face an array of feelings about
war.  As he faces combat for the first time, Henry feels anxiety, self-confidence,
courage, and zeal.

Before entering battle Henry has mixed
emotions, critically judging the men who speak of their fears and observations about the
forthcoming battle. But, as he sees the "stampede" of men coming from a squirmish,
Henry

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...resolved to get a view of it, and, then, he
might very likely run better than the best of
them.

However, many of
Henry's fantasies dissolve as the men grow closer to engaging in battle.  He feels
isolated and anxious.  But when he perceives that the enemy is upon them, Henry fires
his rifle with "a red rage," that of "a driven beast" as he fights until the enemy is
repelled. He feels himself a part, a "member," of the regiment, rather than a whole
man:

He was
wielded into a common personality....It was a mysterious fraternity born of the smoke
and danger of death.

With
animalistic emotion, Henry loses himself in the battle.  But, contrary to his
imaginings, there "was a singular absence of heroic phrases" after the battle and the
officers "neglected to stand in picturesque attitudes."  As he does feel a thrill when
he sees the flags, like beautiful birds strangely undaunted in a storm," Henry remarks
with astonishment that "Nature had gone on tranquilly with her golden process in the
midst of so much devilment."

Along with the realization
that it is an indifferent universe in which man engages in all his joys and conflicts,
Henry begins to see the real horror of war.  He feels "like the proverbial chicken" as
he runs from death:  "Destruction threatened him from all points."  Henry looks in
amazement at the battery who seem "unaware of the impending annihilation."  He becomes
bitter at their blind ignorance, and feels himself enlightened in comparison.  But he
dreads returning to camp where the "density" of the others that would prevent their
understanding of his "sharper point of view":

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A dull animal-like rebellion against his fellows,
war in the abstract, and fate grew within
him.

In short, whereas the
idealistic Henry has been swept into a "red rage" in the first squirmish, he
later realizes the waste and futility of war in an indifferent
universe.